Photos by Landon Michael Photography
I hope I don’t disappoint, but this isn’t an announcement of any kind.
It’s just something that’s been weighing heavily on my mind lately.
I have to admit something to you today. Ever since Alea turned 3 last April, another baby has been really on my mind. Alea’s now at that stage where she doesn’t really need me as much anymore and while she still snuggles me quite frequently, part of me just misses those little newborn cuddles. She’s getting to that age where, when we do decide to start trying for baby #2, the age gap between her and her sibling will be so much more than I ever wanted.
My ultimate dream was to have my kids 2-3 years apart. Well, now that Alea’s almost 3 and a half, that just isn’t going to happen for us anymore. Am I disappointed? Yes, a little bit. I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t. But is it the end of the world? Of course not. Having Alea when I was only 20-years-old (catch up and read the story of our family here), I couldn’t necessarily expect for babies to happen one after the other.
You see, ever since Alea was born I’ve had this “five-year-plan,” a check list if you will, stuck in my head. It’s always been my plan to finish nursing school, get married, get a job as a nurse, and maybe (if the opportunity should arise) move back to the La Crosse, WI area prior to having another baby. When I dream, I dream big obviously! I just have this “ideal” picture painted in my mind of what I want to happen the second time around.
That hasn’t necessarily stopped Cory and I from talking about baby #2, though. We’ve had “that talk” a couple times so far this year– once last spring when I had clinicals on labor and delivery, postpartum, and the neonatal intensive care unit when I was suffering from extreme baby fever and again this fall when Cory brought up the idea of another baby completely out of the blue.
But that’s as far as it’s went. No further discussion of actually trying and no stopping of my birth control or anything like that. It’s something that we’re both so back-and-fourth on, but haven’t quite decided to commit to just yet.
Do I want a baby right now? Yes, so very bad. Is now the perfect time to have a baby? No, not quite, but there’s never really a “perfect” time for anything, right? Is it going to happen right now? Probably not. Some days I’m more okay with that than others, but I completely respect Cory’s opinion in all of this to wait until we’re married this time around. And heck, having a job as a nurse would certainly be ideal. Sometimes I forgot how expensive those little diapers get!
So, no, we won’t be trying for baby #2 anytime soon, but boy am I excited for when we do!
Do you have little ones? When did you decide to start trying for baby #2?
Tips for Taking Photos of Babies
Is “Me Time” Selfish?
A Walk Around Westby, WI
Dear Fall,
SO far we have both kind of said we area leaning on just the one we have… but I do have moments of thinking about having another! It would be nice for my son to have a sibling! Maybe in a few years we will talk about it again. Who knows?
I remember being so afraid of a huge age gap, as the months would pass and I wasn’t pregnant with #2 yet. But, now I can tell you that a huge age gap is awesome! While I think it’d be cool to have 2 kids close in age (and that was always my plan too), it is SO fun with them being so far apart. Brookelyn has always been such a big helper and Cohen REALLY looks up to her. Their relationship is so sweet and I wouldn’t change it now even if I could.
You know my opinion on this. 😉 haha. You’ll both know when the time to try is right, when the stresses of nursing school are over with and you’re only dealing with the stresses of every day life. In time it will all fall into place!
we originally thought we wanted our children to be 2 years apart, but also wanted to be married for our next as well. we knew we were wanting another when our first was 3, but we were also still one year away from our wedding day. so about six months before the wedding we stopped birth control, and we were pregnant three months after. it happened very quickly, but was perfect timing. i was early enough that i wasn’t showing for the wedding, but far enough to where we could share the news with our family and friends at the wedding. it made for a great celebration. i love the idea of being married for the next child and also love the fact that our first is more mature now and will be more helpful when the baby does come! i wish you guys luck in your decision making and even more luck when you start trying again! congratulations in advance. xo
we originally thought we wanted our children to be 2 years apart, but also wanted to be married for our next as well. we knew we were wanting another when our first was 3, but we were also still one year away from our wedding day. so about six months before the wedding we stopped birth control, and we were pregnant three months after. it happened very quickly, but was perfect timing. i was early enough that i wasn’t showing for the wedding, but far enough to where we could share the news with our family and friends at the wedding. it made for a great celebration. i love the idea of being married for the next child and also love the fact that our first is more mature now and will be more helpful when the baby does come! i wish you guys luck in your decision making and even more luck when you start trying again! congratulations in advance. xo
I’m not having kids any time soon, but the way my siblings and I are separated might be of help. My sister and I are 5 years apart and my brother and I are 9 years apart. It’s unusual for siblings to be that far apart but I think it was great. I think it was also better for my parents because they never had more than one kid in college at a time and it allowed them to help us financially through school. They also never really had to hire a babysitter. My only issue was my sister sometimes treated me more as her child instead of her sister. But once I got to college (I’m the youngest) we all became much closer. Also, even though my brother was in college by time I was in 3rd grade, him and I were always pretty close. I feel like a lot of parents feel the need to have their children close together, but sometimes life just doesn’t work that way. The age gap didn’t ruin the relationship between my siblings and I and I’m sure your children will turn out just fine regardless of age gap.
I know how you feel, I wanted our kids no more than 2 years apart. However that didn’t work out for us either. With the craziness we went through in the last four years, we couldn’t commit to adding another little one. We did 12 moves in 4 years with one child and that was difficult! Waiting until we were settled and the time was right is what worked out for us.
Avi and E are 4 years apart. In someways it’s felt like starting all over, but I don’t mind the age gap at all! E is pretty self sufficient now and that makes it easier to give Avi attention without feeling guilty. Also, allows us to have a third baby closer together in age, which we might not of wanted to do if the first two were close. Everything always works out for the greater good 🙂
Emma is going to be exactly 2 years old (to the day almost) when Audrey arrives this November. We planned that, which involved me getting pregnant when Emma was 15 months old. I think it will be so fun!
Let me tell ya…
Fin is 6. Maddie is 4, almost 5.
they’re 14 months apart.
And then Owen is almost 2.
Having Fin & Maddie so close was hard on my body but I love that they’re so close in age! They love each other and are BFFs
BUT seeing how great they are with Owen and that they’re old enough to realize he’s just a baby and that they’re old enough to help is a wonderful thing!
I was 5 when my mom had my sister. She’s always been my best friend. I don’t think age gaps really matter as much as parents think they do. I was truly worried about how all three of mine would be but at the end of the day the love each other so much it’s ridiculous! It melts my heart seeing them all play and interact together. SOOOOO don’t stress age gaps too too much! 🙂
I VOTE FOR BABY #2!!
You are so right, there is never a perfect time. We knew we wanted ours close too and we also knew it would be challenging so when she was around 9 months we started planning for it. Just follow your heart and you and Cory will make the right decision and whatever happens, you figure it out, right?!! 🙂
I got pregnant with baby number 2 just 2 months after baby number 1 was born. Let me just say, I don’t think you are crazy at all for waiting!! Haha.
That was a tricky tricky title!!!!!!! 🙂
The baby question is a big one in our house these days too. We each have one biological, so technically it would be our baby #2. But he does have a daughter he adopted who’s already 18. Talk about age gap! That would make a total of 4 for us. There’s a lot of back and forth about whether or not we should.
we started (and succeeded) when our son turned one. we were opposite of you, though…we wanted to have both our kids before we got married. and we wanted them very close in age. i am 6 years apart from my older sister, and 4 from the next, and we are all super close. so age doesn’t matter too much, in my opinion! they will love each other and be friends no matter the age!!
I can totally relate to this whole post, too. There are just a few more things I want in place before starting for #2. It’s a tough one.
None of my kids were planned. I know it sounds crazy and probably irresponsible to most, but my body didn’t respond to birth control. At first I thought I had just made a mistake somehow, but I went back on the pill after Afton and still got pregnant again 6 months later. I over-ovulate, or rather, constantly ovulate, which wasn’t discovered until after was Delaney was born and I was pregnant again three months later, even though I hadn’t yet had a period. And of course, when Vivi was born I was told my tubes were crushed by scar tissue and I likely had a 0% chance of getting pregnant again. 15 months later and I’m pregnant again! I won’t even begin to get into how crazy it all really is, because there are some serious man problems involved too, but it is what it is.
Often, it’s more than we can handle and life gets crazy stressful. But, there really is no perfect time for a kid, and if you wait for the perfect time, you’ll be dead first.
I can’t wait to see you pregnant, omg. You will be the cutest preggo ever!
I can understand your doubts and I don’t think there’s ever a right time, sometimes things like these happen or they don’t. When my little girl was 2, I started thinking about another baby too. She’s now 3,5 years and while I haven’t given up entirely yet, I’ve learned in the past 1.5 years that maybe being a mama again and giving her a sibling is not in my cards. It’s a longing my husband doesn’t share with me, according to him, we’re perfectly happy with the three of us. Maybe it is, but when I see her interact with a baby, my mama heart melts into a little puddle of mama love and this longing hurts. Each and every one of her first will probably be my first and last as a mama. The idea that I only get to experience this love just once, hurts my body and soul on some days. Other days I try to live with it.
I think it’s sweet you talk about another baby and while now may not be the right moment, one day will and you’ll make Alea the best big sis!
you are right on! The Lord knows all things and His timing is perfect for everything. I have a 20 month old toddler and just like you I love to plan my whole life lol but God had other plans for me. In a matter of 9 months I have had 3 miscarriages. I am devastated and I do want baby #2 in Gods time and It’ll be perfect when it happens. I guess for now we can continue playing, snuggling and loving baby #1 🙂
There’s never a perfect time. Sometimes, you just do and make it work . But sweet little Alea might be needing a little sibling soon… man I hated being an only -ish (my brother is ten years older). Regardless, do what you need to do for yourself today and whatever happens tomorrow happens.
🙂 xo
Obviously, we have 2 and another on the way! We were never really trying… or not trying ha ha.
Up until now we’ve just placed it in God’s hands. After this one though there’s definitely going to be more planning because I’m not sure I can handle more than 3! =)
You’ll have another when its the right time… and I understand wanting babies to be close. I love it, but I am sure there are great things about having kiddos not so close in age too!
I never planned two under two. But when Brook turned a year old, I was overwhelmed with baby fever. I decided to stop my birth control the next month, and play the don’t try/don’t prevent game. Our timing was totally off. And three weeks later, hello two lines. Guilt & fright took over me at first, but it was SUCH a blessing.
Now number three? Hardest.Decision.Ever. And it changes on the daily.
There will never be a perfect time. But one day there will be another perfect baby 🙂
Hi Chelsea! I nominated you for a Sunshine Award on my blog! Here is the link:
http://zoekolleen.blogspot.com/2013/09/sunshine-award-acceptance.html
Have a great day! 🙂
We are having this struggle right now. Aubrey is 2.5 right now and my husband really is against another one right now. We want to move our of our townhouse into a larger single family house but we are so underwater on it from the economy that we’d be losing a lot of money if we moved, then there is the cost of daycare. I don’t know how we can make it work, but I keep thinking that if I get pregnant right now, Aubrey and baby 2 are going to be at least 3 years and 3-4 months apart. I never wanted my kids to be too far apart as my sister and I are 9 years apart and it was really hard when I got to college because my sister is in 4th grade and I am out partying it up in college- too far apart. I am hoping that we can make a decision sooner than later but also wonder maybe it’s not in the cards for me to have more than one child? I guess we’ll see!
We are pregnant with baby #2 with an 18 month age gap, honestly we couldn’t be happier. However, we were married at 19(after knowing each other for a year to the day), brought a house at 21, graduated july of being 22 and had my Belle september of 22.
I am 24 in december, due march 2014.
Life is crazy, although these were things I wanted I am so extremely blessed to have had my life turn out this way.
4 years of marriage and he is still my best decision yet.
Sometimes going with the flow is how life comes together. I think the most important thing is that you and Cory are in the same place and figuring life out as a team.
You will get there, you deserve it 🙂
Natalie x
Our little girl just turned 6 months old and I’m not quite ready to put my body through baby # 2. But my hubby and I have already talked about the timing for our next little one and we want them to be about two(ish) years apart. It definitely changes things as far as whats going on in my life but I feel like I can always go back to school and do other things but once we get past that age gap I can never re-do that. My sister and I are two and half years apart and it was always great to have someone to play with and I could look after her when we went to school together.
I too had my first baby at age 20, though I was married. I ultimately had 8 babies in nine years! And we adopted five. And then added *just one more* in 2010 for a total of 14. So yes, I have little ones 🙂 And now big ones too.
I just wanted to let you know my brother and I are almost 4 years apart and had a great relationship growing up, even being opposite sex, and my nephews are over 4 years apart and have a wonderful relationship already! Age doesn’t always matter or guarantee closeness. Two of my SILs are 23 months apart and hated each other growing up, but are friends now as adults. I love the almost 3 year age gap between my boys, Braden was independent enough that I could quietly feed Ethan and give him the newborn/mommy time he deserved and I didn’t have to run around with a baby on my boob chasing another baby/toddler. I prefer bigger gaps and if we ever have #3, Ethan will be over 3 years old when we do!
You are such a great mom and I can not wait for your post that you are expecting baby number two!
xx
Kelly
Sparkles and Shoes
This is a great post Chels and I love that y’all talk about these things! Neither of my boys were “planned” and they are 18 months apart. While it can be hard at times, usually it’s amazing have them so close in age because they are literally best friends! Also another plus side is, I get all the “crappiness” aka terrible 2s and such out of the way since it happens back to back instead of yay terrible 2 or 3 or whatever is over and then 2-3 years later having to go through it all over again!
Either way, y’all will have another baby when God is ready for y’all to have another baby & you are absolutely right, there is no perfect time!