First of all, I find it sad I even have to write a post on this topic. You think that it would go without saying that fat-shaming a woman who just gave birth to a baby is unacceptable, rude, and a disgusting thing to do, but unfortunately I’ve been on the receiving end of that at as early 3 weeks postpartum with Mckenna.
And the worst part? I took it completely serious each time I received that criticism over my body, over what I was eating and over how much I was eating. The first time I heard it, I thought maybe it was a joke, but as the punches and negativity kept coming, the “joke” became less and less “funny.”
And the saddest thing? No one there stuck up for me.
It left me feeling sad, worthless, ashamed of my body, and like the giant “elephant in the room.”
When you have a baby, your hormones go haywire. You’re emotional, you’re oversensitive and you can cry at the drop of the hat. At least that’s how I felt. I was already upset that I had one pair of jeans that I could maybe button 80% of the time and that leggings, yoga pants, and maternity jeans were still a mainstay in my wardrobe. Sure, we were in the heart of the holidays with pies, cookies, and an abundance of food all around. I certainly wasn’t counting calories and I was eating quite a bit more than I usually would, but if you’re a nursing mama or breastfed in the past, you know that breastfeeding makes you absolutely ravenous! I knew I was burning an extra 500 calories each day and also knew that I needed to consume those extra calories in order to maintain my milk supply and provide adequate nutrients for my baby girl.
Even still, those raised-eyebrow stares when I dished up my plate or had a late-night snack felt like they were searing through me to my core. And the “didn’t you just eat” comments made me wonder if I should be doing more to lose the baby weight or if I should be eating less.
Isn’t that horrible? What I really wanted to say was “Screw you. I’m eating to feed my baby that I just gave birth to weeks ago. My stomach was stretched to hold a 7lb bowling ball and isn’t going to magically sport a 6-pack now.”
But that’s not what I said. I didn’t stick up for myself once. I just bit my tongue. Rolled my eyes. Angry-texted my closest friends, and tried to move on.
What else are you supposed to do when you’re in the midst of the holidays and don’t want to cause any family drama or tension. (There’s enough of that as is sometimes!)
I guess being I gave birth to Alea 6 years ago made me forget that my body wouldn’t just bounce back immediately after birth. Heck, it took me at least a year to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight with Alea and even then I still haven’t been 100% confident in my body since having her.
As a woman, we’re faced with so much pressure in magazines, on TV, and in the media in general to have this “picture perfect body.” As a woman who just had a baby, we’re faced with even more criticism thanks to the celebrities that give birth and then sport a stretch-mark-free, love-handle-free, bikini bodies 3 weeks later. The odds are stacked against us to begin with and having a baby just makes those odds even worse.
Am I completely happy with my body since having Mckenna? Absolutely not.
But am I proud of my body and it’s ability to give birth to our little miracle baby? You bet I am.
Those stretch marks won’t be going away probably ever, but the weight will come off gradually and until then, if yoga pants and leggings are my wardrobe staples, then SO BE IT.
I wish I had some “I overcame this postpartum fat-shaming criticism” epiphany to share with you, but honestly? I just wanted to let other mom’s who have faced the same criticism know that I’m there for you. I know it’s hard and I know it completely sucks. But we got to stick together and we need to be open about this not-so-fun topic.
Maybe speaking out on this topic more will make these over-critical jerks criticize a little less?
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A Stormy Tuesday
I’m both saluting you and crying with you over here. losing that baby weight can be so hard, and even if and when we do succeed in losing that weight we too often forget that during the pregnancy and birthing process our body structure changes drastically and will never fully go back to what it was pre-pregnancy. we momma’s need to remember to give grace to the person who needs it most in our lives: ourselves.
You look beautiful! I had my second child October 24th. She was 10 lbs 4 oz and definitely did a number to my body. I can attest that It always feels like you are being watched to see how you bounce back from A baby…when really, it is nobody’s damn business! LOL. You really do look amazing for having just had a baby a couple of months ago. The haters are just jealous! Keep on doing YOU!
Chels @ Red Velvet Rooster
Thank you for this! My little one is almost 4 months old. I was down right outta the hospital and feeling great. Then, i got on hormonal birth control and gained back every single ounce i lost post partum. And needing To fuel my body to be able to feed my daughter is my priority. Im still rubber band tricking my favorite jeans with a belly band… no shame! But it still doesnt make us mamas feel good, when little comments get made. I know what i see in the mirrOr, and i just keep telling myself that shes only little for a little bit, but ive got forEver to work on my body. Hang In There!
Mama, you look amazing! Dont listen to It. My philosophy…9 month Preggo, 9 mobth to get close to normal. Love your body…you have teo beautiful girls!
It’s amazing how cruel people can be. And sometimes what hurts even more is the knowledge that they aren’t doing it on purpose. Most of the time it’s not the direct comments on how you look. it’s those small comments such as “didn’t you just eat?” and “how soon can you start exercising again?”
I’ve only known two women who quickly went back to their pre-pregnancy weight. One got MRSA in the hospital after giving birth. She wasn’t even able to hold her daughter for the first two weeks. I think, like any new mother, she would have rather had the extra pounds than being separated from her child. My other friend had postpartum nausea and could hardly keep anything down. Again, most would prefer to be healthy with their child than immediately lose their baby weight.
You go, momma!
Girl, it’s so awful that you had to deal with comments like that! I so appreciate this post and what you are saying. Us mamas need to stick together and start LOVING our bodies more!
Good post, love this sharing so much, thank you!
I was fat shamed several times after i gave birth to my baby. i gotta accept that my body will never be The same 😞 People can be so Insensitive and cruel 😠. it takes time for my body to go back to normal By tHe time she turns 1
I’m so sorry that you had to deal with this, too. Isn’t it just horrible how cruel some people can be? Have you watched the documentary Embrace on Netflix yet? I started it last night (but fell asleep… mom problems) and so far I’d recommend it!
Im kind of bummed by how many of these comments BOil down to “but Omg you look normal.” Those comments perpetuate the body shaming proCess just in a more subtle way
I Can feel this from my heart since I was fat shamed right after a day of giving birth that i still looked pregnant. And now i am 6 month postpartum constantly fat shamed by my own husband has joined gym before 3 months but workout is not doing any wonders. 🙁